How To Win Friends And Influence People In 2022_2023 Meeting people can actually be this fun if you follow these suggestions! (Photo by Frazer... [+] Harrison/Getty Images for AFI) Have you ever been in a traditional ‘networking’ environment where you’re taught the art of the ‘elevator pitch’? You know, the concept that you should be able to pitch your product or service succinctly in the time it takes the elevator to go from one floor to the next? This tactic is no longer relevant. Thankfully, people are awakening to the age-old yet oft-forgotten concept that getting to know someone before you vomit your selfish hopes on them is more important. Yes, there are environments which encourage you to take your one minute or less to stand up and proudly share your pitch. And yes, it’s important to be able to synthesize and express concisely your message and mission. But, when you leave those rooms with a ticking clock and go into a real elevator, cocktail party, or dinner, what do you do? If any of your first thoughts is to get the conversation to move as quickly as possible towards determining whether or not the other person might be a customer, I hope you’ll continue reading… Here’s why this is a short-sighted approach: Everyone is a gatekeeper to everyone in his/her network. By targeting and sizing up your conversation partner, you’re being short-sighted and forgetting that he or she may be able to open a door for you to the exact person you need to know. However, no doors are going to open if you are pushy, selfish and/or lead with your own agenda. Your priorities and agenda will change. The average worker remains in her job for 4.4 years, while millennials do so for fewer than three. Additionally, the estimated average lifespan of a business is 10 years. So, if in your interactions you’re skipping the human connection piece and simply jumping into the pitch, you’re taking a short-sighted approach to your relationships. You’re neglecting the fact that you will have many incarnations of your career, and in turn, many different needs and pitches over time. You will turn people off. The old saying that, “People do business with those whom they know, like, and trust” still holds true. It’s rare that someone will begin to like or trust you based on a quick pitch. Here’s what you should do instead: Focus on the other person. Here is a list of the 55 best questions to break the ice and really get to know someone. Consider using some of them when you’re in a new conversation. People love to talk about themselves and allowing someone to do that will give them a positive feeling, which in turn, results in the likelihood that they’ll walk away liking you, which results in their wanting to know you more. Take your time. There is no rush. Who cares if the elevator doors open and you get out? Keep the conversation going, exchange info and schedule a call or meeting. It doesn’t have to end there. Leave them wanting more. By asking great questions, being genuinely interested, and authentically offering value, your conversation partner will naturally want to reciprocate. Let them ask you questions that allow you to share more, don’t force it upon her. Leave breadcrumbs. Sometimes people ask questions to be polite or fill space. Other times they’re genuinely curious. When someone asks you something, consider sharing a thoughtful and concise reply, allowing them to decide whether or not they’d like to know more. It can be overwhelming if you go into a monologue. Trust that you’ll be asked if you strike a point of curiosity. I help ____ to _____. This is a framework I like to use when someone asks, “What do you do?”. Well, that or, “Whatever I can get away with!” It’s to the point, shares your audience, your value and creates an opening to learn more. Make it your goal to be friends, not to do business. Talk with people the way you talk with your friends. There’s no need to be stuffy or formal. In fact, I always make it my goal to connect with someone first as a friend, and then I know they’re someone I want to have in my circle for a long time, regardless of what they do, or how they can help me, or I them. SAYING GRACE: Love is the greatest way to “win friends and influence people" BY HEATHER ABLONDI FOR THE FREE LANCE-STAR Throughout my life, I have found myself in roles that require interaction with a diverse group of people from a wide array of backgrounds. For example, as a Miss America Pageant local titleholder, I would meet with government officials one day, teach at a Head Start Center the next, and serve food to the homeless in Baltimore on the weekend. As a professional speaker to school students and women’s ministries, I have had the opportunity to meet individuals of all ages from across our country. Currently, my role as moderator of an international online community requires me to interact and connect with people like never before. If you had known me in middle and high school, you would probably find it hard to believe that I would be good at the above mentioned jobs. I was extremely socially awkward and often found it difficult to make friends. That all changed when my mother enrolled me in the Dale Carnegie Effective Communications and Human Relations Course. Dale Carnegie was a brilliant businessman who built much of his success on his ability to make friends. His book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” first published in 1936, has sold over 30 million copies and continues to be a best-seller today. People are also reading… When you read Carnegie’s book, you will notice that many of his principles are based on wisdom found in the Bible. In the book of Proverbs, King Solomon wrote that in order to have friends a person must “show themselves friendly” (Proverbs 18:24). For some of us, that comes easily and naturally, but for those of us who struggle to “make friends and influence people,” I would like to share two of my favorite principles from Carnegie’s book and the Scriptures with which they align. Principle #1: Don’t Criticize, Condemn or Complain In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus tells his followers that they should worry about the “beam” in their own eye before they try to remove the “speck” from another person’s eye. Criticism is rarely ever constructive. It is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes them strive to justify themselves. Carnegie explains that it is much better to work on our own deficiencies than to condemn another person. Have you ever been around a person who does nothing but complain all the time? I have. My husband and I call these people “life-suckers” because they suck the life right out of you. One of my favorite verses to quote my children is Philippians 2:14, “Do everything without complaining or arguing.” Be a friend, not a life-sucker, don’t criticize, condemn or complain. Principle #2: Be a Good Listener. Encourage Others to Talk About Themselves.Carnegie explains that he once attended a dinner party where he met a botanist whom he found to be absolutely fascinating. He listened for hours with excitement as the botanist spoke of exotic plants and indoor gardens, until the party ended and everyone left. Before leaving, the botanist told the host of the dinner party that Carnegie was a “most interesting conversationalist” and gave him several compliments. Of course, Carnegie had hardly said anything at all. What he had done was listen intently. He listened because he was genuinely interested. “And so I had him thinking of me as a good conversationalist when, in reality, I had been merely a good listener and had encouraged him to talk,” Carnegie noted. Jesus’ half brother James wrote, “let every person be quick to hear and slow to speak . . .” (James 1:19). Most of us are so concerned with what we are going to say next that we don’t truly listen when someone else is speaking. Yet, most people would prefer a good listener to a good talker. It is important to check our motivation when attempting to improve our interpersonal skills. Used incorrectly, these principles make us no better than a con artist who manipulates others for personal gain. Like Jesus Himself, we should always be motivated by love, for love is the greatest way to “win friends and influence people.” I’d love to have you join me in my online community for mothers, young and old. Visit heatherablondi.com today to sign up for free! Heather Ablondi is a women’s ministry speaker and author who lives in Fredericksburg. You can contact her through her website, heatherablondi.com. Get local news delivered to your inbox! How To Win Followers And Influence Likes Shutterstock Shutterstock Dale Carnegie wrote the book How to Win Friends and Influence People. In that book, he explained the essential human relationship principles that could lead anyone to be successful in life. If he were to write that book today, he might entitle it How to Win Followers and Influencing Likes. Today, it is essential that leaders learn how to use social media platforms to make connections, win followers and receive likes as they seek to expand their influence to an entirely new set of people: a set of people who, in prior times, they would not have had the opportunity to reach. The internet and social media are continually evolving. Therefore, it is essential as leaders that we continue to improve our ability to use the latest tools to the advantage of our customers and our followers. Social media can level the playing field for businesses and, when used well and with wisdom, can win followers and create likes. 1. Practice authenticity. Social media breaks down barriers between leaders and customers. Therefore, the first principle of the social media CEO is to use and practice authenticity. Social media platforms are designed to highlight the real thoughts of a person and connects those thoughts with others who may feel similarly and synergize with the same values or ideas. Every social media post should reflect the honest embodiment of the totality of the person. On Twitter, people have a chance to hear your thoughts on a variety of topics. On Facebook and LinkedIn, leaders can share updates from their own growth experiences or from other sources where they receive inspiration. However, authenticity is the key. People want to know you -- and when they know you, they will want to do business with you. Social Media Tip: Pick one social media platform with which to begin. Get to know that platform and learn how to use it efficiently before trying to master all of social media. 2. Share content that matters to your audience. One mistake that many business leaders make is to look at social media only as a way to solicit an offer, service or product. A second key to winning social media friends is to be robust in what you share through your social media channels. In other words, proper social media etiquette requires sharing more than just promotions. People are more likely to respond when they see that your use of social media is bigger than just promoting your business. Social media experts have learned the art of attraction. A good rule of thumb to follow would be to use a five-to-one ratio: sharing five posts related to your customers’ interests and then one post related to your company's interest. This ratio provides a nice balance for your friends and followers to stay updated with what your company is doing while also finding value in what you are posting. 3. Don't just share -- develop great content. Those social media users who have developed a robust following have utilized the third key to growing their networks, which is to become a good content developer -- not just a content sharer. Sharing great content is a good beginning. However, to maximize your social presence, your followers want to understand what you think about issues that are related to your business. On Twitter, you can share a direct sentence or two focused in 140 characters or less. On LinkedIn, you might write an article or share a blog. With Facebook and Instagram, you may want to share a picture with a sentence or two. And, on YouTube, you will want to create a video of your comments in two minutes or less. Social media channels provide a platform for people to share real ideas in real times, with real content, for a real connection. 4. Interact with your audience. A fourth tool to winning followers is through interactions with others on social media. Respond to those who respond to you. When you make a post or write an article, people will like or comment. Deeper connections happen when we take the time to like a comment or respond with a sentence or two. That short interaction might lead to more interactions and a face-to-face meeting. It is a powerful thing when online friends become in-person friends. As leaders, we should have the desire to respond to all emails that people send to us via social media. We should treat our LinkedIn emails and tweets that mention us as a new type of email. Many times, we might have a customer that tries to reach us through a social media platform. It is fitting and proper that we respond immediately. Our current and our potential customers are paying attention to how well we serve our followers through our social media channels. Social Media Tip: Have a team member monitor company social media accounts so they can read and respond to customers via social media. 5. Keep it positive. Finally, the fifth key is to be encouraging. Be very careful about criticism and negative comments about other posts. The world is becoming very sensitive to online bullying. In times like these, as leaders who have a customer perspective, we have to work hard to be edifying and encouraging. Our companies need to be a light that brings encouragement and positive interactions to the world. We should be careful about correcting others on social media. Every leader can become a social media leader. Today's leaders have been given a robust platform not only to increase our business influence but also to increase our personal impact by winning followers and influencing likes.
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